No Rest For the Winchester
by NerdAngel
Summary: Sam's in the hospital, Cas is MIA, and Dean can't sleep (a one shot that takes place before season 9 premiere. Spoilers for season 8 finale).


**A/n: This is just a one shot from a mini challenge given to me by miXiZ. She wanted me to write about Dean not able to sleep. I hope this fits.**

 **This takes place before season 9 when Dean got Sam to the hhospital.**

 **That being said...SPOILER ALERT for season 8 finale.**

 **Thank you to anyone who pops in to read. Reviews are always appreciated.**

 **A special thank you to miXiZ for the challenge and also all the support, time, and friendship you have given me. Also to LilyBolt who has been a great support and friend as well.**

All around him he could hear different sounds going in different rhythms so that it sounded like a band out of sync. Dean sat with his hands clasped together up towards his face, resting his elbows on his knees. His green eyes stared at the man laying in the bed that his chair had been pushed up next to. He felt his eyes begin to glisten and he quickly wiped his hand across his face. This wasn't suppose to happen. It was his fault his brother was laying in the hospital bed, fading like a candle in the wind. It should've been him.

The night hadn't gone at all like he had planned, like he had hoped. For months he had had it in his head that he and his brother were finally going to rid the world of the very creature that destroyed theirs. Sam was going to complete the three trials and the gates of Hell would be forever locked, keeping all those sons of bitches from ever reaching earth again. But wrenches find their way into just about every plan the Winchesters ever have, and this one had been no different. This wrench however, had managed to find a way to twist Dean's heart in the process. As he stared at his brother, he couldn't help but allow all of that night's events to come flooding through his mind like a broken dam. The look on Sam's face, the words, the will to die! And for what? Because he couldn't stand letting his big brother down again. He had taken up the trials against Dean's will and given him this big speech about how he was going to do them, and he was going to live. Then, when it came down to it and they found out the outcome of the task, he was way more than willing to die. So long as the world was saved and he had his brother's trust again, he could die in peace.

"You know what my greatest sin was? How many times I let down. I can't do that again. What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted AGAIN? I mean who are you going to turn to next time instead of me?"

Dean's heart, of which had been ready to burst from his chest, felt as though it were sinking. How could Sam ever think that Dean would rather him be dead? How could his little brother of whom was his very life source EVER feel like Dean would be so angry with him, that he would leave him alone to die? For what? The greater good of mankind?

He and his brother had stopped demons before, they could continue to do it still. Would it be nice to have one less problem, Hell yeah. Was it worth Sam's life? Hell no. Nothing was or ever would be more important to Dean then Sam.

A woman in scrubs walked into the room pulling Dean from the depths of his mind. She smiled warmly at him.

"You should really go home and get some rest. Your brother is safe with us." Yeah right, the only person he was safe with was him, and rest was the furthest thing from his agenda.

"I'm good thanks," he said with a quick grin.

"Sir-"

"I said I'm good," Dean responded firmly. His eyes locked with hers. She nodded and began to go through and check Sam's status, the concerned guardian's gaze fell back to his little brother. Before she left, she gave Dean one more weary glance, which he responded with a look that said "I'm not going anywhere, so don't even say it." She read him loud and clear and spun on her heels out of the room.

Where was Cas? Hadn't he heard Dean calling for him? Praying to him? Couldn't he sense that the brothers needed him? But then a new less bitter thought popped into Dean's mind. What if something had happened to him? He had seen the angels falling from the sky all around him as he sat by Sam's side outside of the church. That was another issue entirely and right now, Dean couldn't be bothered with it. He had more pressing matters. Maybe that's what Cas had thought of Sam? After all, Sam was his brother, not the angel's. Technically, all of his siblings were in a pickle themselves, so maybe Cas had chosen family over them. In which case, despite the fact Dean was hurt by the thought, he also could understand. If roles had been reversed, he probably would have done the same thing.

Dean wiped at his eyes and tried to stifle a yawn. No matter how tired his body may feel, Dean wouldn't sleep. He couldn't sleep. Someone had to watch over Sammy and it wasn't going to be any angels, so as always, it was left up to him and he wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
